"Bees nai dega, pandra dega!"

 "Bees nai dega, pandra dega!"

..declared my mom, disregarding the vegetable vendor's protest, even as I was grimacing... [for those who do not know Hindi, it means 'I'll pay 15 and not 20"]

"Mom, we are out for a walk and not vegetable shopping and most certainly not for exercising our bargaining skills..." I told her.

I and my 74 year old mom recently started going out for a short walk daily evening as the doctor has advised her to walk daily post recovering from an illness. However, probably like every other mother, she loves to buy her own vegetables and fruits and by habit, no matter what price is quoted by the vendor, she will bargain...sometimes I don't approve of this behavior and tell her to not bother about bargaining for small items, especially when I don't want her to exert too much, but this time when I was telling her her so, the vendor stopped me and told me to let her talk.... "We are used to this and we love it when she comes to buy from us" he said.. No matter how much she bargains they are always so cordial and understanding and often I notice they straightaway quote a discounted price (yet Mom will further ask them to cut it down 🙈)

A similar behavior is seen when I go to the market with my 6year old.. some vendors are merrily offering her cherry tomatoes or some fruit treat to relish... It is so common for everyone in society to treat senior citizens and kids with so much more love/respect and consideration than they would treat people of other age groups.

Somewhere this behavior is also visible at workplaces where you have senior citizens working around you. So often we all admire that elderly co-worker who may be in their 60s,70s or even 80s marveling at the kinds of experiences they may have had and always keen to listen to what they have to share... it's so easy to let your guards down and be accepting/receptive when you are in such company, be it in a personal space or professional space.

By the way, when was the last time you took you mom (or dad or both) for an evening stroll? Time to go for one the next time you meet her... erm...and make sure there is no one selling vegetables or fruits around when you do...🙆‍♂️

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"You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..."

 "You can't just defend! Be aggressive and push to score a goal..." I told my 6 year old while playing air hockey on the tab...

She refused to change the strategy and kept blocking. I kept hitting hard trying to show her how it's done by using power at different angles and she kept defending...

In no time she was 4-1 up... most of my high power hits were actually rebounding back with the same pace and ended up breaching my defense, as I was in the middle of the field after my power hit and had kept my corner open and vulnerable to the rebound hits...

Lessons learnt :

1. Aggression doesn't always work.

2. Infact it has a high chance of damaging your own goal if not directed well or if one doesn't know how to handle the backlash that could result due to aggression (so often one exhibits aggression while trying to exercise assertion).

3. Age and experience dont always beat the young and inexperienced.

4. Don't advocate your strategy to others unless you are very sure it is the right one for the person, situation and time.

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"....will you be happy with that washing machine 5 years down the line?..."

 "....will you be happy with that washing machine 5 years down the line?..." he asked me..

We all have that one friend who we consult before buying certain stuff... especially electronic items...we need an SME for validation.

It was 2006 & after having started my career in 2005 with Infosys I had started considering spending some money for things that might be useful for my family. A washing machine was one such thing (we did not have one prior to that). We were making about 12-13k a month as software engineers then so this was a big expense for me. I considered buying a semi-automatic washing machine as it was fitting my budget & I asked him what he thought about it, expecting a validation.. but that's when he said what I quoted earlier...

He saw the confused look in my eyes & then started explaining..."You are earning x amount now, but you will earn much more than that in next 5 years... so when you use that semi-automatic washing machine 5 years down the line, will you regret the decision you made of not spending a few thousand extra to buy a fully automatic machine which has a much higher utility? It's not that you will buy a washing machine every year right?"

That got me thinking.. and I went ahead and purchased a fully automatic washing machine..

The same thing played in my mind several times for years whenever I planned to make a purchase (car, mobile, TV, oven etc) - to think if I'd be happy with my choice 5-7 years later... (eg - will I be happy to drive the car I'm planning to buy even 5-7 years down the line without regrets?). Infact this thought process affects us all when we evaluate something like an insurance product - at times we do not fully account for our future state which could be a few years or a couple of decades far.. the amount we avoid spending now may turn out to be much less significant than what we perceive it to be, for the possible benefit that it may offer in the future...

But this thought process just doesn't apply to decisions about purchasing stuff... it also aptly applies to other decisions about one's professional & personal life... do we always assess the impact of a decision that we make on our future - especially when it comes to making minor adjustments (from the analogy of spending a few extra bucks to upgrade from a semi-automatic to an automatic machine ) that we are not comfortable making or deem unnecessary at that point...

That extra push that we classify as unnecessary or insignificant might actually be very significant when we look back in time from future... perhaps we should spend a little more... a little more persistence, a little more caution, a little more time, a little more thought, a little more restraint, or a little more of something else that the situation demands of & we know deep down that it's an investment worth making...something your future self may thank you for...

The friend that I talked about here is Deepak Kumar Bhatt ! Thanks Deepak for the invaluable learning! :)

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The Invisible ICU Gatekeeper

 So there was a medical emergency (all good now) in my family in the past few days & I spent a few days/nights in the waiting area of an ICU at a hospital. As is the norm in every hospital, relatives aren't allowed to visit patients except for fixed visting hrs or when called upon by the nursing staff. A gatekeeper always mans the door to ensure that.

It was 8pm on Sunday & the gatekeeper was doing his job as usual - deterring people from going in the ICU voluntarily... But now I saw he had started pacing up & down in the lobby anxiously... he kept announcing that next visiting hr starts at 11pm & no one should try to go in prior to that... I (and am sure all others present) kept pondering why he was announcing it repeatedly when he was there to ensure no one walks in.

Around 9pm I overheard a call that he got (probably from his family) where he was trying to explain that he will reach soon & that he had to wait for his shift to be over... After he hung up I casually walked up to him & asked him if there is an issue...he said he had promised his family he would be home early today but unfortunately due to short staff on Sunday he could not find someone to sit in for him & he was stuck here till 11pm - that was the time the next shift guy would take over from him.

I offered to sit in for him to try and ensure no one enters the area - I was anyways sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting area trying to kill time - I could do the same sitting at his desk.. but he politely declined saying he cannot allow that.. another guy sitting nearby also walked up & asked him to go ahead & assured none of us will enter till 11pm so that there is no trouble for him... after some amount of pushing he hesitantly agreed and left for home leaving the desk unmanned.

For the next 2 hrs it was great to see none of the relatives waiting (about 15-20 in all) attempted to enter the ICU. There was one restless guy who throughout the day had tried to enter multiple times - he got up from his seat once and walked towards the door but returned back before reaching the door...

It was good to see that till 11pm no one entered the ICU and as soon as the clock neared 11, they all scampered in to pay their dear ones one final visit for the day..

The Gatekeeper - Put his trust in unknown people in good faith...

The Influencer - The guy who came up to assure him we will not break the rules in his absence...

The People - Respected the gatekeeper's situation and the influencer's assurance and refrained from taking advantage of the situation...

The Outlier - Inspite of having thoughts of trying to take advantage of the situation, did not do it due to the pressure of non-compliance to the norm exhibited by others present there...

So till the time you have people with the right values and intent, things go as planned and outliers can be contained effectively as a result of peer-pressure (or acceptance of expected norms by observing peers)...

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