"...mereko Gems chahiye pehle!!..."

"...mereko Gems chahiye pehle!!..."

...demanded the cute little voice of a 2-3 year old ["I want Gems first!!!"].

Last week, we made a pit stop at a restaurant on the highway to grab some lunch. Next to our table was another family. Mom, dad & a cute little munchkin. 

The parents were clearly having a hard time convincing the little one to sit & eat. The mom kept running behind him with a morsel of roti in her hand. The little champ ensured he managed to keep his face & lips a clear one foot away from the mother's hand at all times. "I will buy you a pack of Gems if you eat your food," said the mom. Champ gave her an evaluating look. The mom took the brief moment as an opportunity & shoved a piece of roti in his mouth. The champ's mouth was clearly not in his camp as it quickly started chewing on the food. It got another bite before the champ decided a stroll was important for his well-being. So he dashed off to a table a nearby, glanced at the people, found them worthy of a mischievous smile and came back.

He was back to refusing the food. The mom kept giving the Gems talk as a bribe, but he clearly wasn't biting (the food or her proposal). "I want the Gems first" announced the champ. After some more struggle, the mom finally asked the dad to get a pack from the cash counter. Dad, like every other dad in the world, did as told and came back with a pack of Gems. Mom waived it in front of Champ and that helped sell two more morsels. It was time again for the well-being walk. He walked up to the next table and gave the masala papad on their table a thoughtful look before returning back to base.

One more morsel was accepted with one eye on the Gems pack and then he declared "Open Gems! ". "After you finish this whole roti," said the mom firmly, eye pointing at the quarter of a roti on the plate on the table. "Open Gems!" Pat came the concise demand. After some more tries, the mom finally gave up and opened the pack, dropped a couple of gems on her palm & extended the hand. The champ's arm made a swift move like a cobra attacking an unsuspecting prey and grabbed the whole open pack from her other hand. He then made a run for it, exposing all of his 7-8 teeth with glee. The last bit of roti remained on the plate, envying the colourful gems that were getting devoured by the Champ.

- Mentioning about incentives works. But it works only to a point.

- Eventually, the carrot literally needs to be dangled to get more done - seeing/feeling is believing.

- After a point, the dangling carrot also doesn't work and the subject needs to be allowed a bite of it.

- However, if one is not careful, the subject might just gobble up the whole carrot and abandon the task for which the carrot was offered in the first place. 

No wonder at times carrots like joining/retention bonuses with claw back periods don't work. Champs still manage to run away with the pack of Gems and replace it back by sourcing Gems from the next dangler.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.

So we are at this wonderful property in Dalhousie. The hotel had organized some games last evening, including a game of Housie (bingo) & Musical chairs. 

The musical chairs started with 15 chairs & 20+ players. We all lined up around the chairs. While we were waiting, I heard someone say "I will tell them when the music stops." The voice belonged to a young lady who was talking to someone in the audience. She then used sign language to convey the same to 2 other participating ladies. It seemed both the ladies had an impairment and couldn't talk or hear. The two ladies nodded their heads in agreement, clearly excited about playing the game.

The music started and a big chunk of people were eliminated in the first round, including the lady who I had heard speak. In the next few rounds, many were eliminated. At one point, there were 7 chairs (8 people) left. Both the ladies were still in the game, along with me. What was commendable was that, in spite of them not being able to hear the music, they were observing other players. They probably knew that as soon as the music stops, the players would make a move for the nearest chair and that would be their cue too!

Eventually, one of the ladies was eliminated and there were 5 chairs pending. Another couple of rounds went by and I survived to make it to the final round. 3 chairs, 4 people. The 3 survivors will all get a prize. The music started and as soon as it ended I rushed to grab the chair nearest to me. The only person to not get a chair was the surviving differently abled lady, who let out a smile in despair and walked away, clapping with all her heart for the 3 winners.

It wasn't a great feeling for me, though. This wasn't a level playing field and the 2 ladies were certainly at a disadvantage in a game where the sense of hearing was crucial. After collecting the prize, I felt a strong urge to walk up to the lady and hand over the prize to her as she clearly had aced the game given her condition. However, I was mindful that what I thought of as a kind gesture could very well backfire and end up being seen as pity and upset her. She might feel I was giving my prize to her due to her condition (which was true). I realized I needed to let her have the dignity of loss, to feel that she played as part of the group like any other individual and was eliminated. 

Next, there was a game of housie. The lady started rattling off numbers. The other family was struggling to keep up. I got up and went to the lady calling out the numbers and asked her to write each number on the board after calling them out. The least I could do to make it a level playing field this time, I thought.

In continuation with my prior post, this is also a privilege we all have. The privilege of having normal functioning body parts. One we take for granted all our lives. If you ever say "this is not fair!" after losing out on something, think about it again. #Gratitude.

"....ji hum toh jyaada kabhi ghoome nahi parivaar ke sath..."

"....ji hum toh jyaada kabhi ghoome nahi parivaar ke sath..."

....said Khemraj, our driver. ["...Sir, I haven't been on many trips with my family..."].

We commenced a trip to Himachal Pradesh and booked a car for the trip. Khemraj (driver) picked us at the airport. On the way, I struck a conversation with him.

"So who all do you have back home?"

"I have been married for 17 years. Have 3 daughters and a son."

"So you all stay together?"

"No, I am staying in a room in Shimla due to work. My wife and kids are staying back in Bilaspur with my parents and brother's family."

"That's nice. How much have you studied? Hope all your kids go to school as well?"

"Yes sir. I have studied till 10+2."

"English medium?"

"English medium schools in my village are 7 kms away. So, I and my kids all studied Hindi medium. Can't afford to send them far."

"Being in this line of work, you and your family would have travelled a lot? Must have seen Kashmir and all."

"No Sir, it's mainly in and around Himachal and then when we can, we take parents to holy places. We have farming to tend to back home and we can't leave that and travel for long. Besides, it takes a lot of money for such a large family to travel. Also, Covid killed tourism and set us back by a few years."

He sported a warm smile the whole time as he spoke, his eyes and smile competing with his spoken words to convey his emotions.

Nearly always, the people helping us with something are deprived of the exact same thing themselves. At an office somewhere...

- The single mom recruiter handing out that high 7 digit offer letter probably wonders if she will ever get there someday too...

- The IT executive from a small town handing out that iPad probably wonders if they can gift their spouse a new phone this year...

- The school drop out security guard probably wonders how it must be to work with a cozy desk, swanky laptop and hybrid work options...

- The transport desk guy booking swanky cars probably wonders when he can save enough to buy that bike he has promised his younger brother...

- The travel desk executive handing out international tickets probably wonders if he will ever be able to take his family on an international trip someday...

- The hardworking pantry staff picking up the pizza left overs probably wonders if they can ever treat their kids to such fancy meals...

- The overworked finance executive processing that hefty reimbursement claim probably wonders if he can take his kids to a luxurious property on a vacation someday... 

- The humble housekeeping lady maintaining the washrooms probably wonders about the washrooms her daughter has to go to at her government run school daily...

The list is unending. We all are privileged in some way or the other and are served/helped by many who aren't. Daily. #Gratitude 

In the picture, Khemraj and I, posing with the beautiful snow-clad mountains in the backdrop.